Top: Dee Soflin & Capt. Dala McNew
Bottom: Sgt. First Class Gregory Smith & John Burns

Repeal Breathes New Life

After 18 years, and nearly 14,000 troops discharged, Sept. 20 marked the end of Don't Ask Don't Tell. The official repeal dawns a new beginning for gays, lesbians and bisexuals serving in the Unites States Armed Forces. The sexuality precursor is no more—Service members can finally serve openly.

For two Nebraska couples, in the wake of the lifted ban, wedding bells sounded and they too rejoiced in their new freedom. Sgt. First Class Gregory Smith married his partner of four years, John Burns, and Capt. Dala McNew married her partner of five years, Dee Soflin.

The excitement on Sept. 20, however, was also met with tears...of joy.

“I was overjoyed and will admit, cried privately in my office with the door closed,” said Dala, 42, a quartermaster officer in the Army Reserve. “ I also had my own little celebration that may, or may not have, involved a little dance! It was such a relief to know that I could no longer be discharged simply because of the person I loved.”

Serving for more than 13 years in uniform, Dala has been deployed three times, serving in Germany, Afghanistan and Kuwait. Her highest military achivement to date is receiving the Bronze Star on her last deployment, the fourth-highest combat award of the U.S. Armed Forces.

“I feel that all the gay, lesbian and bisexual Soldiers are feeling like they can breathe for the first time, in a long time,” Dala said. “It’s a good feeling to not have to hide who you are.”

And while these moments led up to their wedding day, the reality of the past still lingers; hiding one's self bares consequences. For Dee, those consequences were harsh and very real.

“We almost lost a great love because of DADT, or so I feel,” said Dee, 49, a data management specialist at Experian. “She came back from her first deployment in Afghanistan a very different person, I didn’t recognize her. How does someone deal with issues when they’re only allowed to be a part of who they really are, without risking their career they worked so hard to build?”

Serving eight years in the Marine Corps during the Cold War and now nearly nine years for the Nebraska Army National Guard, Greg reflects on not being able to serve openly thus far in his career.

“I have always wrestled with the fact that not being able to be open about my homosexuality and to deny that when asked, has gone against everything the Army and the Marine Corps, as well as what my parents, have taught me about honesty and integrity,” said Greg, 48. “But a decision had to be made by myself of whether my family and their security was more important than admitting that I was gay and possibly being discharged from the Service.”

While Greg is content with the repeal of this discriminatory policy, he fears a shift in future leadership could change the policy once again. He also states he'll cross that bridge if or when it approaches.

“I am glad that I married John,” Greg said. “He is my best friend, the love of my life, my confidant and has helped me raise my son for the last four years. I don’t think without his love and support that I would be where I am today in my life. “

Married on Sept. 20 in Council Bluffs, Iowa, Greg and John have two anniversaies to celebrate each year. Change comes with time, but Greg was happy to report no negative consequences have come with the announcement of his marriage to John.

“I haven’t really noticed a big change in the majority of the Soldiers that serve and now know that I am a married and a homosexual,” Greg said. “Soldiers in the Guard contacted me and offered their congratulations. It really hasn’t changed the opinion of those who work for me, who work with me, or who I work for.”

The fight for equality has not yet ended and more can be done. Members of the Senate Armed Services Committee agree, the Pentagon needs to look into expunging previous Service members' records if discharged under homosexuality dishonorably, and furthermore, create an option for re-enlistment to those discharged wishing to serve again.

Dala's parting words reflect on her experience at the first OutServe summit held in Las Vegas Oct. 13-16. Speakers encouraged military leaders to “come out” to their troops and set the new standard.

“Lead by example and be the Soldier you wish to see in your troops,” Dala said. “It shouldn’t matter who I love or wish to be married to, if I’m willing to die for my country!”

Riley S. Huskey
Editor
touchémag.com