Not everything you believe is true!
Over the last ten years I have been invited (and cajoled) by the people in my life and various situations to reflect on my behavior.
Ten years ago, I was pushed to reflect on my behavior by Stephen, my partner at the time. He refused to help me work out issues I had with my father because I was trying to use Stephen as a surrogate for my father (I was being a jerk to say the least!). With Stephen’s insistence, I went to counseling for one year. It was one of the best things I ever did in my life.
I got the opportunity to reflect on my behavior and ultimately, what was driving it. I discovered that my behavior was being driven by what I believed. What I believed about my father was dictating how I behaved toward Stephen and my father. It also heavily influenced my interactions with the rest of my family as well.
I believed that my father didn’t love me. All of his actions throughout my childhood proved it. He often missed my events because he was too busy in the fields or chasing cows. If he loved me, he would have been there, or so I believed. When I changed what I believed, that my father did love me, then his actions proved that as well. I could see how his actions were driven by what he believed. He believed that the best way to show he loved me was by working from sunrise to sunset and providing for his family. The short story is that my dad and I now hug every time we see each other.
I discovered that what I believe drives my behavior. It also determines how I interpret or assign meaning to every action taken by myself and other people.
This was the beginning of ten years of asking myself, “What do I believe? How are my beliefs impacting my actions?”
I also began to realize that everything I believed wasn’t true. Not every belief I held as truth was, in fact, true. I believed my dad didn’t love me. This false belief drove a lot of my past behavior. It kept us from being close.
I have to constantly keep reminding myself that everything I believe about myself, or other people, or my community, may not be true! I have to look deeper.
What do you believe about yourself that might not be true? What do you believe about others that might not be true? What do you believe about your community that might not be true?
Heath Harding
Outlinc
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